Alejandro Kirk Powers Blue Jays Past Orioles 7-3

The Blue Jays beat the Baltimore Orioles 7-3 on Saturday, which means we are legally required to spend one full paragraph not staring into a mop bucket.

Look at us.

Healthy posture.

Normal breathing.

A baseball game ended and nobody had to put on a headlamp to inspect the emotional wreckage in the basement.

Alejandro Kirk drove in three runs. Brett Bateman homered. Toronto had 11 hits. The bullpen struck out 11.

This is not a typo from a happier parallel universe where the CN Tower is made of garlic bread.

It happened.

The Jays are now 74-75, still fourth in the division, still carrying a .497 winning percentage like a backpack full of damp towels. But for one evening, the backpack had snacks in it.

Kirk brought the big spoon

Kirk went 2-for-4 with a homer and three RBI.

That is the baseball version of arriving at a potluck with lasagna while everyone else is holding a suspicious bag of napkins.

In the bottom of the first, after Vladimir Guerrero Jr. doubled off Kyle Bradish to bring home Brett Bateman, Kirk singled on a line drive to right fielder Heston Kjerstad. Guerrero scored.

Simple.

Direct.

Almost unsettling.

Then, in the bottom of the third, Kirk homered off Bradish on a fly ball to left center field. George Springer scored.

That made Kirk responsible for a nice chunk of the evening, and also forced Blue Jays fans to experience a dangerous emotion known as satisfaction.

Please hydrate.

We are not trained for this.

The man did not merely produce. He made the game feel organized, which is different. Runs showed up when they were supposed to. The inning had a plot. The audience did not have to consult a laminated disaster map.

Kirk was the rare Blue Jays hitter on Saturday who did not feel like part of an escape room designed by a raccoon with a clipboard.

He knocked in the early run.

He supplied the loud third-inning swing.

He allowed the rest of us to watch the middle innings with only medium-grade suspicion.

Bateman hit the button labeled joy

Brett Bateman went 1-for-4, and the one was not shy.

In the bottom of the third, Bateman homered off Kyle Bradish on a fly ball to right center field. It was his second homer.

A solo shot.

A clean noise.

A baseball leaving the yard without first asking everyone to solve a moral dilemma.

This came after Bateman had already scored in the first on Guerrero’s double. If a player is going to appear repeatedly in scoring plays, we prefer this version. Less paperwork. More jogging.

George Springer went 2-for-5. Andrés Giménez went 2-for-4 and drove in a run with a sixth-inning double off Anthony Nunez that scored Josh Smith. Guerrero went 1-for-4 with an RBI. Ernie Clement added a sacrifice fly in the seventh off Luis De León to score Guerrero.

The offense was not a single heroic trombone.

It was a small, mildly confused marching band that nonetheless found the parade route.

Toronto scored two in the first, three in the third, one in the sixth, and one in the seventh.

That is called spacing out your stress relief.

Highly recommended.

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The bullpen performed a group project

Now we must discuss the bullpen, which is normally where this blog puts on oven mitts and handles the subject like radioactive soup.

Not this time.

Toronto pitching struck out 11 and allowed two earned runs.

Spencer Miles threw 2.0 innings with five strikeouts and no earned runs. Louis Varland followed with 1.0 inning, two strikeouts, no earned runs. Joe Mantiply had 1.0 inning with no earned runs.

Then came the usual Blue Jays fan twitch.

Baltimore scored in the top of the fourth when Christian Encarnacion-Strand reached on a fielding error by third baseman Kazuma Okamoto. Gunnar Henderson scored, and Encarnacion-Strand went to second on a throwing error by Okamoto.

This was the moment where the couch began whispering old prophecies.

The Jays made three errors in the game.

Three.

That is usually enough for the baseball gods to send a flaming invoice.

But the whole thing did not turn into a collapse documentary.

Paul Sewald was charged with one earned run in 0.2 innings. Mason Fluharty was charged with one earned run in 0.2 innings and struck out one. Tyler Rogers threw 1.0 inning with no earned runs and one strikeout. Spencer Arrighetti handled 2.2 innings with no earned runs and two strikeouts.

Pete Alonso homered in the top of the seventh off Sewald, bringing in Yohel Pozo.

That made the lead feel less like a couch and more like a folding chair.

Then it held.

Imagine that.

A lead. Holding.

Like a professional adult.

No autopsy today, just crumbs

The Orioles had three runs, six hits, and eight left on base. The Jays had seven runs, 11 hits, three errors, and eight left on base.

This game had enough loose parts to become a lawn mower accident.

Instead, it became a 7-3 win.

That is the funny part. Not funny like a joke. Funny like finding out the smoke alarm was only complaining about toast and not the entire kitchen becoming a weather system.

The recent series summary says split 1 of 2 versus the Baltimore Orioles. Fine. Put it on a magnet.

Today, Sunday, Toronto gets Baltimore again, with Dylan Cease listed for the Jays and Trevor Rogers for the Orioles.

That is tomorrow’s anxiety wearing today’s nametag.

For now, we take the win.

Kirk had three RBI. Bateman homered. The bullpen struck out 11. The Jays won 7-3.

No one needs to diagram the collapse because the collapse forgot to come to work.

Somewhere, a bullpen phone is wearing sunglasses.